When life hands you a tough situation, you may need to lean on other people for comfort. But what if you're the person that needs to provide the shoulder? It can feel challenging to know the right things to say or do when there's a sense to be strong for the other person.

How you provide comfort will vary depending on who you’re comforting and what they’ve gone through. However, there are universal tips to keep in mind when you’re supporting someone during a time of need.

1. Attune to them. When someone approaches you for comfort, chances are that they’re not asking you for your advice. More likely, they just need someone to be there for their emotional needs. Avoid trying to solve their problems unless you’re asked for advice. In that case, you’re free to provide any advice that you have. Asking “what do you need right now? Comfort, advice, or anything else” is a great way to tune in with what’s needed in that moment.

2. Listen well. It’s always a good idea to develop your listening skills. A part of being a good listener is truly striving to understand what the other person is saying or going through. Remember that you can provide a certain degree of comfort just by lending an open ear to the person suffering.

3. Offer unconditional help. Sometimes it’s comforting just to know that the other person is there. Tell the person that’s suffering that they can discuss their problems with you any time they need a lift to help them get through.

4. Give a hug. It’ll certainly vary depending on the relationship that you have with the person you’re comforting, but you can provide physical comfort with a hug. Hugs simply make people feel better! The human touch can melt the soul and warm them with comfort.

5. Be understanding. You might not know what it’s like to go through the tough time that you’re helping with, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t strive to understand. Do your best to try and understand where this person is coming from.

If the person you’re helping is dealing with loss, you’ll also be supporting them with their grief. Grief is a natural process to go through when people are facing a loss, due to natural disasters or sudden and unexpected change. If you gain a better understanding of their grief, you may know what to expect should it ever happen for yourself or someone else and feel able to respond in an empathetic manner, from a place of understanding.

The response to loss can show up in the following ways, and not necessarily in this linear order or intentisity;

As outlined in the Kübler–Ross  Grief model above, grief is expressed in different stages and different people spend varying amounts of time on each stage. Sometimes the stages aren’t even expressed in the same order.

Grief usually starts with the initial shock of the loss and often times denial accompanies this distress. Then numbness, pain and/or anger sets in, which may last for a long time. Sometimes depression also sets in before the person journeys into acceptance.

While you don’t want to push a person through the stages too fast, you do want to do whatever you can to help them along to acceptance. When they’re angry, be an open ear and try to reassure them their feelings are valid and acknowledge their subjective experience must be a difficult place to be in that moment. Help them see their problem or loss from a different perspective or possiblities if you pick up on it being appropriate.

Depression can be difficult to help with since the person tends to lose interest in the world around them. Your presence and willingness to be a support guide can make a difference. Show them that the world hasn’t given up on them, so they shouldn’t give up either. With your support, and the help of a professional, the process will find a way that works best for the person and their understanding of what’s happening for them.

When someone you know is going through a rough time, these tips are a basic guide in ways to console your loved one. The comfort you bring them may be the one thing that helps them make it through to better days.